


Bound By Dust

by lunaseemoony



Category: Doctor Who (2005), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Alternate Universe - His Dark Materials Fusion, Best Friends, Birthday Presents, Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Reunions, Romance, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-22
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-07-26 03:32:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7558465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunaseemoony/pseuds/lunaseemoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Smith finds out at the beginning of his last term as a post graduate student at Jordan College that he has to take a series of humanities classes to round out his degree. He wonders if maybe fate is involved when one of these classes is taught by Rose Tyler, his estranged best friend. After a falling out kept them apart for some years, this class gives John the best chance to make it up to Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bound By Dust

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by imdefinitelyamadgirlwithoutalife and ktrosesworld on tumblr as part of my Fourteen Days of Ficlets special. 
> 
> I don’t actually know how academia at Jordan College would work, so I guessed. 
> 
> Thank you to ktrosesworld for your help. <3

Oxford University’s Jordan College was one of the most respected institutions in the world. Nestled right in the middle of Oxford’s twenty-three colleges, it was also among the oldest. The world constantly changed around its vine-encased stone buildings, the oldest of which was erected in the 14th century. But Jordan’s prestige and thirst for the truth was impenetrable by time, and nearly untouched by The Magisterium. For John Smith, a post graduate student in particle metaphysics, its opulent vaulted ceilings, antique-furnished halls, and vibrant flowering gardens had been home for years. **  
**

John was one more degree away from becoming a fellow and professor there. He proved to his classmates over the years that people of all backgrounds could obtain a quality education if they wanted, even with a constant backdrop of teasing him for Theta, his dog daemon. Only the poor, servants, soldiers, and Gyptians had dog daemons, he was told. Among men from wealthy families with foxes, ravens, snakes, and the like as daemons, John felt well out of place. They had proper suits with robes while he roamed campus in his long suede coat and pinstriped suit, Theta proudly strutting by his side.

Theta was what John’s family called a mutt, resembling a fluffy and lanky cross of a shepherd dog and a Jack Russell terrier. By the time they were both fully grown she came up to his thighs in height. Her coat was a deep chocolate peppered with grays and tans and deep cream-colored mittens on her paws. She was jovial when he was angry, open when he was reserved, a better listener when he was running his gob, friendlier when he was tactless. Theta made John a better person (when he actually listened to her). John never struggled with his identity as long as she was at his side. She’d gotten him through his darkest days after the loss of his family, and never let his anger interfere with his scholarly dreams. Despite the teasing he’d endured for her as a youth, John was proud of her.

John’s real passion was research in the field. But in order to procure the necessary funding for this, Jordan College wanted its money’s worth first, which was fair. What was unfair was the college’s requirement that John take an assortment of humanities courses before he could obtain his last degree. He was a physicist not an Brytish Lit student. What was the point in studying it when his primary school studies were more than sufficient? Weren’t the college’s vast resources better spent on a student more eager than he was in that regard?

John groused and grumbled about this for weeks, complaining to the Master of the college himself, to no end. To earn a seat at Jordan’s high table, John would have to really work for it. During the time he would rather be finishing up his papers and getting ready to defend his dissertation he was being harangued into a few lecture courses in humanities. But at the end of the day he couldn’t very well call himself a future fellow of the college while attempting to circumvent an opportunity to learn, could he? He’d been preparing himself mentally for studying hard in this Brytish Literature class until he found out on the first day of the term who was teaching it.

“It’s her!” a younger male student excitedly whispered to and elbowed his companion next to him as she strolled in.

“Oh my god you’re right it is.”

“Who?” a third young student asked in confusion.

“Rose Tyler,” John sighed.

“Why’s she wearing scholars’ robes?”

“She’s a professor,” John and the other two chorused.

“No way! She’s so young! At least ten years younger than the youngest professor. How’d she manage that?”

To her credit, John noted, “By working hard and becoming the foremost expert on Brytish literature in the college.”

“It’s Faolan!” Theta whined from next to John’s leg, her tail fanning him. She got up and began to follow him down the stone-tiled aisle to the front.

“Theta! Get back here,” John growled.

Theta turned her head and whimpered. “But I haven’t seen him in ages. Years, John.” she complained, shoulders slinking and ears folding at him.

It never mattered what John and Rose had been doing at the time, her daemon Faolan and his daemon Theta were always close. Their daemons’ relationship transcended any problems they had. Rose always told John it meant they were inseparable. He hated that it wound up not being true in the end. Pronounced ‘fay-lin,’ Rose’s daemon’s name meant little wolf in Gaelic, an old daemon name passed down through the Tyler family. Most of the Tylers wound up with wolf daemons. It was a bit unusual for a family to have a certain species of daemon course through their lineage. But at least where Rose and her mum were concerned, they seemed to fit.

They’d grown up on the same street together, angering their parents as they went off on little “adventures,” or sneaking into Jordan’s library after dark. Rose was strong, determined, and clever. She rarely lost sight of her ultimate goal, to make a better life for herself and her mum, to prove that a girl of the most modest of means could enter a man’s field and soar. John never lost faith in Rose, even on the few occasions that she did lose her way. He nearly got expelled from school for beating Jimmy Stone to a pulp after he broke Rose’s heart when they were in their teens. Rose and John had a few falling outs over Mickey, whom John claimed wasn’t as supportive of Rose’s plans as he was. In the end it hadn’t mattered that John was right, as he’d been cold and callous about it, she claimed.

But the tipping point between John and Rose’s friendship was a date he had a few years ago with a French visitor to the college named Reinette. John had told Reinette about Rose’s research into ancient Brytish texts knowing full well that she was an agent of The Magisterium. But he erroneously assumed that the French branch wouldn’t hold any authority over Brytain. As it turned out, not surprisingly The Magisterium had very little tolerance for Rose’s work, as it cast them in a bad light. Having a decent portion of her research confiscated set Rose back by several months. Evidently she recovered well enough, not that John was surprised. Rose was resilient. And she was now John’s professor. Either she’d enjoy tormenting John tremendously or join in his misery in this situation.

“I don’t care, you’re drawing attention to us,” John hissed.

Theta begrudgingly returned to his side as Rose took to the podium. Rose’s seething as their eyes met made his skin prickle. She wasn’t happy to see him either. At the same time, Theta’s tail continuously thwacked John’s leg excitedly. He felt her eyes trained on Rose’s daemon Faolan who was staring right back as if he was ready to dart across the lecture theatre to them. John traced equations in the centuries-worn dark wooden desk with his finger as Rose began lecturing in the little sunlit room. By the end of the first class John had a full page equation down for his research rather than notes from Rose’s lecture. He’d barely even looked at her. He’d zonked out so much he hadn’t noticed at some point Theta had gone out of sight. When the lecture hall emptied he scanned the room and found her curled up in a corner behind a bookshelf across from Faolan. He made eye contact with Theta and canted his head towards the exit.

“Not so fast, you.”

John froze and shot up straight, clearing his throat. “Rose! Hello!” He shoved his fingers through his hair and rubbed the back of his neck while burrowing a hole in the white tile floor with his eyes.

“Fancy seeing you here, eh?”

Rose folded her arms and leaned up against the podium. “Is this some kind of joke? ‘Cause I don’t think it’s funny. Not at all. You don’t show your face for three years and all of a sudden park yourself in my class? Got something to prove? This little stunt is a colossal waste of college resources!”

“Believe me I couldn’t agree more. But I’ve got no choice. We’re stuck together for the term, you and I. So we can either make the best of it or I give up my degree and slot in the fellowship.”

Theta crawled across the floor while their attention was on one another and moved next to Faolan again, only a breath’s worth of space between them. She rather shamelessly rolled onto her side and smacked Faolan’s face with her paw, and as always he fell for the bait. They play-wrestled while Rose and John’s row grew louder by the minute, knowing their time would be limited. Theta let Faolan win and let him pin her. She’d missed her best mate, but as far as goofing off went nothing had changed in the years they’d been apart.

“They’ve got to have a row, haven’t they? Can’t just be adults about this,” Faolan complained.

“How has she been though?”

“Career wise, great. It’s tough, her being a lady and all. But she manages.”

“I never meant to let him drift away from her, Faolan. You’ve got to believe me.”

He rested his head on hers for a few breaths and whispered, “I know. John’s a right git.”

“Tell me about it,” Theta sighed. “I feel like a part of me has been missing these few years.” She tucked in her tail and folded her ears after laying a paw on Faolan’s. “How do we bring them back together?”

“Make John take this class seriously, Theta.”

Theta stood up and stretched. “What for? What’ll that do?”

“As a lady nobody takes Rose seriously. You saw those students, eying her like a piece of meat rather than a professor. It’s the same way with the other fellows and scholars. Rose is strong, so she doesn’t much care. She’ll show ‘em eventually. Show Rose that John respects her.”

Theta chuffed. “You and Rose don’t need anyone to prove how worthy you are of being here. You’ve worked hard. Nobody can bring you down but yourselves.”

Faolan narrowed his big, chocolate eyes at her and moved his paw out from under hers. “Yes, and the ones that used to tell us that all the time suddenly left our lives three years ago, remember?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“Like I said. Make him study. Make him take this seriously. Take her seriously. It’ll show her he still cares.”

“You’re not suggesting -” John was storming out the room before she could finish her sentence.

“See you next week!”

John spent the entire walk home ranting about how he was going to speak with the master of the college again. And of course he didn’t mean it. It would be very unprofessional of him to drop a class at this stage. Rose didn’t believe John was capable of taking her seriously. So he intended to prove her wrong. He was going to ace her class with flying colors just to prove to her that he could. She had such a fire in her eyes that afternoon the likes of which he hadn’t seen in her in years. Well, hadn’t seen her in years, period.

John would be lying if he said he hadn’t missed Rose. They were best mates. He’d never had a better friend than her. Growing up, although Rose had whole herds of friends, John only kept a few. Rose was the popular one. It was no wonder to John. She accepted everyone for who they were, had a smile that was devilishly devious yet sweet, and was the the smartest person John knew. He’d grown up gazing into her warm amber eyes and helped plait her honey hair before she could do it on her own (even if the boys did tease him for it he didn’t care). He was there when her daemon Faolan settled a year before his. Boys she fancied had come and gone but John was there through all of it, providing a shoulder to cry on when she needed it. They spent their school years studying together and supporting one another.

When John and Rose drifted apart three years ago he’d called it a falling out. But that afternoon following Rose’s class she called it abandoning her. He spent the better part of that week trying to work out what she meant by it. Every waking moment he didn’t spend on his research or courses he spent trying to work out why Rose said he’d abandoned her. When The Magisterium pulled chunks of her research and she found out John had something to do with it she hadn’t wanted to see him. At the time it didn’t matter to her that John was truly sorry. She was hurt, and nothing John had to say was even remotely helpful. He had decided to give her a couple of weeks, which wound up being a couple of months, and then a couple years. Now they barely knew how to speak to one another without shouting or arguing.

John had spent so much time fixating on all this that he’d neglected his reading assignments for Rose’s class, and his essays on the novels as a result were subpar. Rose was the only female professor at the college, and the youngest to boot. The students - most of whom were male - didn’t respect her. They’d done the work too, but only just barely. John looked no better than them that week. Theta’s urging that he take this class seriously clicked right then. They were perfectly okay ogling her in the dining hall or feigning interest in her work by chatting her up in the corridors, but when it came to treating her like a scholar or colleague, they were disappointing. He began to wonder if maybe this embarrassing situation of having to take Rose’s Brytish Lit class was some strange twist of fate.

John bumped into Rose on the way to her class the following week. As in, he literally bumped into her, sending her books flying. He immediately dove for the floor and wouldn’t let her pick them up, claiming it was his fault. When he stood up she wasn’t looking at him but their daemons. Theta and Faolan’s tails were flying just before they took to a light game of chase, grins in full bloom on their faces. No time appeared to have been lost between them. Even when Rose and John had their row a couple weeks back their daemons had been casually playing in the corner as if nothing was wrong. Rose tucked her hair behind her ear and reached for John’s hand. Well, he thought that’s what she was doing. She’d meant to grab the books from him but he took her hand instead, sending the books to the floor again.

“Look Rose, wait.” The words got stuck in John’s throat and he croaked in a panic. “I ah, I’m loving the reading this week! I, ah. I was thinking of starting up a little study group. And ah… encourage the others to work a bit harder.”

Rose gathered up her books on her own this time. John swallowed hard when he caught a glimpse down the pale green jumper beneath her scholar’s robes. He curled his toes in his shoes and grounded himself.

“You mean the others and yourself.”

“Well, yes.” John tugged at his ear and cleared his throat. “I was, ah, distracted last week. It won’t happen again. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, fine. Whatever.”

Theta had told John that Rose wished to be taken seriously. Well, how could he speak to her and have her take him seriously? John had every intention of apologizing to Rose in that hallway. If his stupid nerves hadn’t swallowed up his words he just might have done it. Three years had changed her somehow. John was the same age as Rose, but she seemed so much more like a woman now, and Faolan came up to John’s waist, taller than Theta. She was bloody intimidating. When did that start? When was he scared of a woman he’d played in the nursery with before he could even talk and stumble over his words? It certainly had nothing to do with her being his teacher. He’d tutored her physics so she could pass her exams. Granted he wasn’t wearing opulent robes at the time. But what difference did it make? What was she playing at, messing with his head like this?

“You should stop by her place tonight. Talk to her there. Make it personal,” Theta urged as he changed into jim jams a couple days later. It was a Friday night. He’d have all weekend to work.

“She’s my professor now, you know I can’t do that.”

“That’s bollocks and you know it. Like you care. Remember when we helped her sneak out that one night so we could go to that dance? You don’t care one lick about the rules. They were made for breaking, John.”

He snorted and rolled into bed, shoving her aside a little. “And risk everything on the chance that we’ll be able to separate personal and professional? If I’m going to take this class seriously and prove myself that’s a line I won’t cross.”

Theta pawed back the covers and tunneled beneath them so she could smack his shoulder. “What if maybe Rose’s guard is up on campus? Maybe if you caught her in a place she feels more comfortable you’d make more headway. You could pick up where we left off.”

“Where we left off? What, you mean Rose almost petting you that one night? I think that boat’s sailed, Theta. Besides, for all I know Rose has found somebody else.”

To touch somebody else’s daemon was a huge taboo in their culture. Daemons could interact on their own, of course, just as two people could fight or hold hands. But only the lowest of the low would even consider touching somebody’s daemon. It was more than just rude. It just wasn’t done. It had happened to John once as a child and the repulsion he’d felt made him ill. Rose had been there, and Faolan stomped the boy’s daemon to the ground to make him stop.

The only exception to this rule was in the case of love, as laying a hand on a person’s daemon is essentially touching their soul. It’s an ultimate sign of trust and love when that touch is welcomed. John’s mother had tried to describe to him at length what the elation felt like when she tucked him into bed one night. She said a warmth coursed through them that had no equal. He could understand this conceptually, since a daemon felt whatever their other half did, and vice versa. But beyond that John would simply have to wait until he experienced it himself. Rose had come close one night, reaching out to Theta unconciously one night as they were cuddled up on the couch in his flat. But when she saw what her hand was doing she pulled back and changed her mind. That was merely days before John’s date with Reinette. He was wishing now that his one remaining relative, his uncle Steven, hadn’t set him up on that date. It wasn’t really even that eventful.

Theta shook her head. “I doubt that very much. You could reach out to Faolan tomorrow and he’d -”

“Whoa whoa whoa. There’s a huge, monumental leap from Rose accepting my apology to Rose being even remotely interested in me in that way. What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking you should trust me for once.”

“Three years gone and you think Rose Tyler would even give me the time of day? You’ve lost your head. We really have been working too hard lately. I’m going to sleep.”

All the same, all John could think about the next day was going over to Rose’s little flat to talk to her. It didn’t matter if Theta was right or not about Rose being interested in him (which he seriously doubted). Rose was the most important person to him in the universe. He hated that what brought them together was a stupid class he didn’t need to take. It was a reminder that he should have grown up much sooner and reconciled with her. All it had taken was a couple weeks sitting in her class watching her speak to a group of students from across the lecture theatre rather than on her couch discussing her new favorite novel together. Three years apart and all it took was a couple weeks. He’d always been weak to Rose, but fine, okay, he’d been so busy he hadn’t given himself a chance to properly miss her. Now that he was seeing her once a week he missed her terribly. For once he wasn’t nattering on about metaphysics as he always had and had to completely listen to Rose. And he was learning so much more about her through the works of literature she assigned him to read.

But by Sunday afternoon John had accomplished very little in his classwork because he’d been so fixated on Rose. In the end what drove him to her flat was needing to reclaim at least a small portion of his fragile sanity. Showing up there was a dreadful idea, and he just knew that it wouldn’t end well. But he was going barmy wondering and not trying.

Her door flew open before he could knock. “What’re you doing here?”

She blushed a little when Faolan greeted them with an excited bark. Though her door was only open a crack, Theta was slim enough to slip past and darted inside before Rose could stop her.

“You can’t be here, John. This is unethical. I’m your professor,” she said with folded arms.

“And my best mate, mind.”

“You were.”

John eyed the busy street around them as the sky turned dark. “That’s why I’m here. Rose, may I come in? I want to talk to you about that. And then I’ll be gone and out of your way. Promise. Look, Theta’s already inside anyway. At least so we can give them a few minutes.”

Rose turned around and watched them, Theta enticing Faolan with a play bow before tearing off around the corner out of sight. Everyone called their daemons wild, and maybe they were. They had a zest for life that could scarcely be contained. John never could bring himself to control her when his heart played the liveliest tune only when he was with Rose. Theta and Faolan seemed to always have minds of their own.

“All right. You’ve got a few minutes, and then it’s out with the pair of you.”

Rose sat down on her couch and crossed her legs. John then paced the room in front of her and unfolded his notes, hands trembling as he began to speak. He apologized to Rose at least three times during his whole speech, telling her that there was no excuse for not being there for her when she needed him. Though he hoped this wasn’t about stupid Reinette he mentioned her anyway, that the date had been horrible, just to prove that it hadn’t even been worth it. He knew that he’d messed up and chickened out. He hadn’t wanted to face a Rose that hated him. He’d been a coward, he told her. By the time he thought about reaching out to Rose it had been embarrassingly too long, and assumed she’d want nothing to do with him. Eventually John just tossed his crumpled notes to the floor and spoke straight from the heart.

“None of this had anything to do with you being terrified of where our relationship was headed?”

These words were like a sudden hail storm raining down on John’s heart. He was shocked. His mouth fell agape and his eyes glazed over as his heart sped up. Where had this come from? John wasn’t prepared for this. He had all his responses to Rose lined up. But none of them predicted these words. Admittedly John had never even thought about this. He wasn’t even more than vaguely aware that Rose had been interested in a romantic relationship with him. No wonder she’d been so bloody cross with him. But how could that be John’s fault?

“I… what?” he croaked.

“You’re gonna pretend you don’t remember what happened that one night when we cuddled on your couch?”

John sobered and released a deep breath he’d apparently been clutching. He got brave and sat down next to Rose, meeting eyes with her properly. Gold danced and glimmered in her eyes reflecting the dim lamp light. He wanted to reach out to cup her pink cheek and thread his fingers in her hair like he used to when they were little.

“I remember you reaching out to Theta but changed your mind at the last second.”

“No, John. She ducked her head away from my hand. D’you know how much that hurt? We’d known each other for twenty-three years, since we were babies practically, and you didn’t…” Rose swallowed.

Theta slinked up to Rose with her shoulders sunk, tail between her legs, and ears peeled back as she rested her head next to Rose’s thigh.

“I’m so sorry,” Theta appealed with a slight whimper in her cadence.

Rose stood up and walked around the couch, taking in gusts of air. “No, I’m not doing this right now, John.”

“You brought it up,” Faolan reminded Rose.

“Rose, I only came to ask - beg for your forgiveness. You deserved an apology ages ago, and not from me just because I’m st- in your class. I just wanted you to know that. I wouldn’t ask anything more of you after I’ve been such an idiot.”

Now was not the time for them to be discussing this. It didn’t matter what he wanted in his heart. It didn’t matter that the right words could have Rose in his arms. They still had months left in the term. John was Rose’s student, best mate or not. Jumping too many emotional hurdles at once was also never a good idea. And being honest, John needed time to put together what Rose had said about him. He needed to really think about what Rose was implying, and get his head out of the fog of his dissertation. She deserved someone with a clear head. Well, as clear as could be expected.

“You really hurt me, John.”

“I never meant to. I was uncertain about us. I… and I’d been a coward, running off like that after that mess with The Magisterium.”

“It was more than a ‘mess’ for me. My entire research and livelihood were at stake.” She wrung her face in her hands and sighed. “That and… well honestly like I said it hurt, that you couldn’t trust me enough after all the years we’d been toge - friends. I can’t just say it’s okay because for me they’re connected. You didn’t even know I was upset, John.” The last bit she spoke into her hands and sighed. “It might be best to pick this up at the end of the term, John. I’m sorry, I can’t handle this right now. It’s all a bit much, too sudden.”

As much as John hated this idea, he had to agree. He wanted some semblance of closure, but they’d already been estranged for three years. It wasn’t unfair of Rose to ask for a couple months.

John’s head fell and he worried paths up and down his legs. Really what she meant was he’d reopened a wound he hadn’t realized he’d inflicted. He couldn’t bear to see her hurt. Though she wasn’t expressly asking for it, John knew he had to make it right by her, by any means necessary.

“Yeah, yeah of course,” he muttered and stood up with a sigh.

Faolan had joined Theta in front of the couch and rested his head on hers. They both looked disappointed when John headed towards the door of Rose’s flat after promising her he’d wow her with his papers this week. Once they were out the door he promised Theta she’d get a chance to see Faolan more often soon. In the back of his mind he was all too aware that their daemon’s desires were a reflection of theirs. But with the surface being so clouded it was difficult to think about. It merely provided a dimly burning flame of hope deep within John that he could have his best mate back. He didn’t want to think about anything past that. Not yet.

John would’ve loved to say that his thoughts after that were consumed by Rose. But in an effort to keep them at bay he buried himself in his work. He wasn’t lacking in that department. Had the college piled on this much extra work for Rose when she was seeking to graduate? More than likely they gave her a harder time simply because she was a female, which was a load of bollocks. But society wouldn’t change just for one gloriously ambitious woman. John ran himself ragged and drank more caffeine than he had his entire life combined in the last remaining weeks of the term. Wrangling his community, completing all his papers, finalizing his research, rehearsing his dissertation consumed most of his time. And that was just his normal workload. He also had his final remaining classes to not only pass but excel in. John was determined to show up the master of the college and his ludicrous rules. If Rose had done it, so could John.

When April rolled around John even decided to make up for three years of missed birthdays. It wasn’t easy to find, let alone procure a first edition book of a Texan poet. But Rose had been in love with the works of Emily Dickinson since she was a little girl. It cost a few months’ rent, but Rose was worth it. He’d wrap it in a blanket of stars he plucked from the sky if it would make her smile. He hadn’t seen it in years and missed it sorely now. He missed when she had one just for him. He missed tucking her under his arm and reading poetry to her. He missed her laughing at his stupid physics jokes.

With only a couple weeks left in the term John confidently strolled up to Rose’s office on April 27th, her birthday. He had every intention of waltzing in and soaking in her beautiful smile as she discovered the lengths he’d gone to get her the perfect gift. But when he arrived it appeared at least half of the literature department was huddled in there meeting about something. John’s heart sank, along with his confidence. He made eye contact with Faolan and flagged him down. He sneaked out of the room and met John around the corner away from prying eyes.

“Hello,” he beamed, crouched in front of the towering wolf. “Happy Birthday.”

“You should go tell her that,” Faolan retorted. His wagging tail still gave him away.

“Would give her this for me?”

“She’ll love it,” Theta chimed in.

“So wait around and give it to her yourself,” Faolan protested.

John rubbed the back of his neck. “Well. I, ah. Nah. It’s best I go.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Yep! Ridiculous, that’s me. The one and only.” John winked but quickly sobered. “You’ll give it to her?”

“Course I will.”

He stood up and grinned, heart swelling. “Thank you!”

John began to dart off in excitement.

“Wait hang on.” John and Theta whirled back around. His daemon sidled up to Faolan, who chewed at a little spot on her neck. “Had a couple of burrs stuck in your fur. See you soon?”

Theta was utterly shameless in giving herself away, tail wagging madly as she pressed her head to Faolan’s stomach to hide it. A warm blanket of fondness spread over John’s skin. “We’ll be around,” she promised.

“Did you see that?” Theta howled excitedly, the most prideful bounce carrying her down the corridor after Faolan disappeared back into Rose’s office with their gift. “He groomed me. Promise me you won’t cock this up. Please.”

“Me? Whose idea was it to buy the book, hmm?”

“I don’t care, just please don’t say anything stupid to Rose.”

She turned up at his flat that evening shortly before he was about to pass out from exhaustion. The moment John opened the door Rose barreled into his arms, calling him a cheater for playing into her weakness for old books. Then once John let her in she raked him over the coals for buying such an expensive gift for her. He should’ve known Rose would be aware that the book was worth a small fortune. He teased her lightly about it, saying he could always return it for her if she disliked it that much, all the while grinning as she clutched it safely to her chest.

“You know what John, I can’t just be bought, if that’s what you’re hoping.”

John’s smile softened. “I wanted to get you something nice for your birthday, to make up for lost time.”

“And this doesn’t change anything. I still want to wait til the end of term to… talk.”

“Of course.”

Before saying another word Rose wrapped John up in a hug. The wings of his heart flapped wildly as Rose calmly nestled in his arms. He rested his head on hers and placed a little kiss there, whispering happy birthday into her soft hair. She quietly thanked him as she buried her face in his blue pinstriped jacket. He could’ve held her in his arms like that for ages, with her heart pressed to his.

Rose craned her neck and looked up into his eyes. He swore hers sparkled, and the sincerity in them made his heart swell. “You’ve got to promise me you’ll work hard these last couple weeks, John.”

“Don’t I always?” he hummed gleefully.

She smacked his chest. “I mean it. Don’t get complacent. And you know I expect more of you from my class.”

“Oi, how is that fair?”

She pulled away from his arms and grinned a tongue-touched smile at him. He’d missed that so much. “I know how brilliant you are. Can’t very well hand it to you can I? Certainly can’t go easy on you just because you’re a friend,” she teased.

He mocked offense at this and made her laugh. “Well I’ll show you, Rose. Just you wait. I’m going to ace your class. But you’ve got to promise me you’ll give me the marks I earn. No cheating me because you don’t want me to be right.”

She had her hand on the door. Faolan showed no signs of wanting to go anywhere, curled up against Theta on the floor by John’s bedroom.

“You make it sound like we’ve got a wager.”

He waggled his eyebrows at Rose. “Want to make one?”

“You know how unethical that is?”

He leaned in and his mouth curled up wickedly. “You love the idea.”

“Depends on what you’ll give me if I win.”

“Dunno. I’ll let you decide that. Not that it matters because I’m winning.”

“Cocky,” she accused. “So what d’you want then?”

John should’ve gone with the lighthearted answer. It was almost on the tip of Rose’s teasing tongue. They both wanted it. A date. But John desperately wanted something much more important. The two weren’t mutually exclusive but he needed this like he needed air in his lungs and the warmth of the sun. He didn’t assume that it would be given automatically. And maybe it was a little unfair asking for it this way. But before he could say it the two words flew out of his mouth.

“Your forgiveness.”

“John…”

“Please, Rose.”

“Study hard, John,” she told him before leaving.

He did just that. And he was thankful her final class was before his dissertation. Despite feeling really prepared John was a nervous wreck the night before. His insides were churning and his mind was buzzing with everything he’d already written on his cue cards a couple times over (after rewriting his speech a dozen times). He paced his entire flat that night, feeling like he was going to be sick more than once. He knew he could do this. He was exceptionally skilled in the art of persuasion, and he’d certainly spent enough time in his field to know what he was talking about. He didn’t even flinch at the idea of public speaking. He just loathed having attention being trained on him.

John actually made it most of the night without even thinking about Rose, even though he was desperate to know what she thought about his twenty-page paper. But as he tucked himself into bed, as always his thoughts returned home to her. He hadn’t been shy about using the discussion of the novel to speak about friendship, forgiveness, respect, and love. The master of the college had been right in the end. John had much to learn from Rose, just in more ways than anticipated.

John never felt more regret than when he watched her lecturing and speaking about authors she’d long admired. Rose was the most brilliant and hardworking person he knew. He had a much more profound appreciation for Rose’s work when learning it from her. He knew she’d pick up on it but with his nerves shot he wasn’t sure if she’d appreciate it or find it a bit too cheeky.  

He’d do anything to get back into Rose’s good graces again. He should’ve promised her he’d do anything for it, and to make up for lost time. Rose had always been his other half. What the hell had he been doing these years without her?  They’d promised each other they’d stick together when they were little. And although those sorts of promises were often broken, it was different with Rose. John asked himself a dozen times over how he could let himself disappoint her the way he had, how he could have taken a chance in trusting an agent of The Magisterium with information about her research. With Jordan College’s particular disdain for them he even knew better. He wished he could’ve traveled back in time to whack his past self over the head before making such mistakes. Where would he be with Rose now if he hadn’t let her down so badly?

John was more determined than ever to make it up to her. He yearned to be in her trust again. He craved her laughs and her smiles. Rose was the sun in his sky. She was the other half to his puzzle and the other cover to his storybook. He had so much more to learn from her than the finer points of Brytish Literature. When they were in their teens trying to figure out what they wanted to do with their lives John had promised her he’d take her to see the world so she could learn its languages and read its books. He wished to make good on this promise, even if she’d forgotten. He ached to be the only one whose heart Rose carried with her. He wanted more than anything in the world to be allowed to hold her daemon Faolan, the extension of her very being, in his arms.

Just when John was getting ready to put all these thoughts aside to appear for the defense of his dissertation, she stood before him with a smile on her face and stars in her eyes.

“Hello.”

“Hi!” he croaked, and clutched his papers tight so he didn’t drop or rip them from nerves. “I… ah… it’s time for me to defend.”

“I know. That’s why we’re here. Moral support, yeah?”

He didn’t deserve it, not when he’d been markedly absent for hers.

“Oh! I, really?”

Rose hadn’t made John into such a basket case like this since he was a teenage boy. It’s not like he’d never seen Rose wearing a pretty blue sundress with an adorable matching hat and shoes. Granted, it had been years, since he’d only seen her wearing her professor’s robes. Of course Rose would look resplendent in a bloody potato sack. She’d always been beautiful, at least in his eyes. For a moment he wanted to say sod his defense, wrap her in his arms and tell her he loved her and that he’d been a stupid git for not telling her when he was twelve when she first started making him babble incoherently by merely being in her presence. He’d wasted more than a dozen years on the fear that he might lose her, and for a while he had anyway. He was done wasting time.

“Yeah.” She smiled tenderly and took his papers from him before he accidentally shredded them, straightening them out on her dress. “I can’t go in, of course. You know that. But I’ll be right outside rooting for you.”

“You’d do that for me? Don’t be silly Rose, you don’t have to. It’ll be at least an hour.”

She held up her birthday present and he paled at the idea of her carrying around a priceless book. But it was very Rose, he decided. “I’ve got this to keep me occupied. Go on then.”

True to her word Rose was waiting outside for John when he spilled back out of the little office an hour later. His brain felt like mush and Rose was a sight for sore eyes but all he wanted to do was eat and sleep for a hundred hours. But at the same time adrenaline was racing through his veins and elation was dragging his pulse along for the ride. Cocky as ever, John was convinced he blew his committee away. But the moment his eyes fell on Rose sitting serenely in a stained glass windowsill with her book in hand he forgot it all. It sounded entirely too clichè, but he didn’t bloody care.

She hopped up when she spotted him. “How’d it go?”

He winked and hummed a chuckle. “Well, I don’t like to brag…”

“Oh come off it, liar,” she laughed, tugging at his lapels playfully.

“What I want to know is how I did in your class.”

“How’s about you come over to mine for lunch and we can talk about it.”

“Oh god did I do that horribly?”

Rose doubled over laughing and started walking. “Would you come on? Calm down that busy brain of yours for a few minutes, you plum. Would I be inviting you over if you’d done horribly?”

“Well I dunno, maybe you’re a merciful soul and would rather let me down someplace more comfortable.”

“Or maybe you’re overthinking this like you always do and your cocky self did so well I’d rather celebrate in private.”

John wheeled around and stepped in front of Rose, his eyes growing wild with excitement.

“Really? You’re serious?”

“Not if you don’t button it.”

John did his best to behave himself on the way back to Rose’s, even when relief washed over him like a fresh spring rain and pure joy lightened his step. With his dissertation out of the way he allowed Rose to completely devour all thoughts. He was so taken by them he practically ghosted into her flat. Seeing how out of it he was, Rose set about making lunch before she even told him how he’d done in her class. Obviously he’d passed with flying colors. But they both wanted to talk about the overture he’d sneaked into his final paper. Faolan joined John on the couch while Rose prepared sandwiches and tea. The urge to reach out to him had never been stronger. It was part curiosity, would he be allowed? It was part relief, a weight lifted from his shoulders. It was part exhaustion, and Faolan’s downy fur did look incredibly comfortable, not unlike Theta’s. Only knowing that Rose would feel any touch held him back. But it wasn’t enough of a deterrent.

“Faolan, can I…?” John stuttered as he reached out for his head. Nothing was more important than consent. “Please?”

Faolan lifted his head up to John’s hand and shut his eyes. The moment they made contact little fireworks set off under John’s skin, and warmth shot through his veins. As his fingers glided tentatively over Faolan’s silky fur a fire rekindled rapidly in his chest and pricked his eyes with tears. Every star in his sky shone bright as though he’d been feeling through the dark the whole time. Rose was on the other side of his touch, and knowing her trust had been so freely given after all this time sent John’s thoughts and pulse racing. Faolan dove into his arms and John pulled him into his lap (the best he could given the wolf’s size).

“I should have done this a long time ago, I’m so sorry,” John spoke against Faolan’s neck.

“Shut it, will ya?” he answered while his tail thumped against the couch.

Just then John heard a plate clattering in the kitchen and the scrambling of claws on tile. He had but a moment to process this before he became overwhelmed, and proper tears streamed down onto Faolan’s thick pelt of sandy fur. Theta had run across the kitchen and into Rose’s open embrace. He didn’t need to see it to feel it. Rose’s love and acceptance surrounded him like a blanket kissing the cold off frostbitten skin. For many people love wasn’t permanent, but what John had felt for Rose for the longest time was forever. He’d always known that, but like the idiot he was he’d been afraid of it. Rose was too important for him to mess up with. What he hadn’t realized was what he’d been missing out on, the feeling of utter completion and bliss that came with the mutual embracing of everything that they were.

All the children’s books John and Rose had read implied that this most intimate event of their lives might happen in the most monumental way rather than on the kitchen floor and the couch after John defended his dissertation. He’d never thought much about falling in love with anyone truthfully. Maybe deep down it had already been decided long ago that his heart was taken and he’d been too blind to see it. He’d never needed to look further into what he had with Rose because it had always felt so right.

Their world was bound by dust, the very substance responsible for their souls taking the physical forms of daemons. Not everyone believed in that idea, but John did. It bound a person to their daemon. John wanted to believe that he’d also been meant to be bound to Rose. Otherwise why else would he never imagine himself with anyone else? Lately he’d been convincing himself he’d been wasting time by not bearing his soul to her sooner. But a moment with Rose was never wasted. Each and every one was precious, from the first time he held her hand at a tender young age on the swings, to the first time he kissed her in her kitchen.

He’d cupped her face in his hands and they came back damp. He swam in the deep gold pools of her eyes overrun with love. For him. They hadn’t spoken the words but they weren’t necessary when they’d been felt so acutely. They’d followed their daemons into Rose’s bedroom and John laid Rose down gently on her bed, all the while asking her a dozen times if it was okay. He simply wanted to make sure. Not once did he question they were moving too fast when their relationship had been built on trust. They laughed and hid beneath the covers as he held her close. At some point Rose whispered to John she accepted his apology. Not long after he promised her forever. It could’ve been interpreted in any number of ways, but John knew Rose understood. He offered himself to her, everything he had. He could scarcely recall ever feeling so elated as when she accepted him. He awoke the next morning to find her cuddled up not to him as they’d fallen asleep but to Theta. His daemon was safely tucked into Rose’s naked body. Theta quietly urged him to go back to sleep because she didn’t want to move. John simply told her (and Rose when she stirred) that he had no intentions of going anywhere.


End file.
